Things My Roommates Say....

What happens in the dorm stays in the dorm?
Ha.
Here's the best and worst of roommates from P-Row to Paramount.

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"I used to have this Youth Pastor who really wasn't into God at all."

 

 

"Never have I ever given more than one fuck about anything."

 

 

"This is like drinking a moose."

 

 

"I just want a picture of shirtless Nicolas Cage lounging like Lionel Richie."

 

 

"I wonder if Lewis, Clark, and Sacagawea ever had a three-way."

 

 

"I would rather have the Internet than boys."

 

 

"I wish for like twenty minutes we could all turn into five-year-olds and interact."

 

 

"We're all going to be sister-wives."

 

 

"I hate Glee all the time except sometimes."

 

 

"I ran up to the guards and I was like, 'I need to see the Pope! This baby is a demon!' and they were like, 'Uh, okay.'"

 

 

"Every healthy relationship begins with stalking."

 

 

"It's hard to type with one hand... because I'm holding a cannoli in the other."

 

 

"We all owe you three dollars? Do you take debit?"

 

 

"I have several houses in downtown Europe..."

 

 

"I think my veins are swollen."

 

 

"We have three showers if you count the faucet."

 

 

"Okay, I know there are more Starbursts in my pillow, but I can only find one."

 

 

"Well, I was going to eat my cheesecake for breakfast, but..."

 

 

"It's like a thousand tiny animals massaging my scalp!"

 

 

"I'm so cool... I'm like a freezer... or a polar bear."

 

 

"I'm gonna look so hot and take a picture and put it on Instagram, and he can like that with his penis."

 

 

"You need to fart every day of your life. If not you would explode."

 

 

"Yeah, Barack Obama, you go girl!"

 

 

"If Obama comes up to me and tells me 'let's make out,' I would do it for sure. What a great story to tell your grand kids."

 

 

"How about this: We order food again, say we're paying with cash, and when they show up, we beat them with a bat."

 

 

"It's a popcorn and German propaganda film kind of night! Wee."

 

 

"You're so lucky I care about myself."

 

 

"I did that one time in the middle of my school cafeteria when I was wearing Crocs."

 

 

"You're the most irritating person ever and I love you!"

 

 

"You want the first shower? It's okay, I enjoy chilling in my underwear."

 

 

"Next time you snore I'm gonna record you."

 

 

"I'm so happy, I'm walking like Leonardo DiCaprio walks on set!"

 

 

"Everyone here is something really hipster like 'pansexual.'" "I'm just gonna be Dorito sexual, and just mack on some Doritos."

 

 

"I'm booty popping on the inside."

 

 

Watching Honey Boo Boo: "I just can't take the mom seriously." "I can't take her or her three necks seriously."

 

 

"Is our fish gonna get sun burnt?"

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Can you and your roommates top these quotes?
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